Just The Tip Please

I have been a regular reader of JTTP for some time now.  Over the past few months I’ve grimaced a few times, had a couple of laughs and actually learned a thing or two along the way.  Im not exactly your average Just The Tip Please reader in that I am a man, or as some women would say, a boy.  (Yes, I have been told this on more than one occasion).  Until now I have sort of sat back and listened, like a fly on the wall at “Girls Brunch” or a peeping tom at a high school slumber party.  I listed to you tell stories with only an occasional bashing of the opposite sex but today I have take a stand.

I too have been dabbling in the world of online dating. Coming back onto the market after a few years hiatus I felt it was probably good to lie down a few ground rules. Two to be exact. No more dating friends of friends (a story for another day) and no more dating co-workers  (also a collection of stories for another day).  So, where does a modern male go in search of an evening’s company?  The bar? I have been working on a serious beer gut so this seems ill advised. The gym? Yeah, please see previous comment about beer gut.  So I guess all that’s left is the internet, or at least that is all that’s left when you are too lazy to get off the couch, again, beer gut.

So, I sign on, throw up a few pics and let the craziness ensue.  This is where we get to point of my writing.  The previous post to the site ends with these words, “we aren’t sure what guys are thinking, EVER!” And here I have to call foul.  Yes its true no one knows what guys are thinking, not even guys. But, I’ve been out on dates and have literally said to myself “what are you thinking!?!?!?!”  So I offer to you a collection, copied and pasted directly out of my inbox, a little series I like to call “I’m not sure what the HELL women are thinking, EVER”

“Nice Wig, wanna fuck?” (Yes I am wearing a wig in one of the photos. No I do not want to fuck you)

“That sounds great. I’m excited to meet you. Can we make it somewhere a bit more family friendly though.  My sister is out of town so I need to bring my 6 year old” (This was to be a first date and the first mention of a 6 year old)

“It looks like Im free on Saturday after all.  My boss finally told his wife about us and she is pissed!  He hasn’t been in for three days and I am feeling single and ready to mingle” (The rest of this email goes on to explain, for the first time, that she has been having an on going thing with her 58 year old boss and she had plans to go to Chicago with him for the weekend but that now seemed unlikely.  I was fine with the previous email that just read “Sorry I have plans on Saturday but lets get together soon)

“This may sound weird but is that guy in your third picture straight? I think I may have gone home with him like three years ago and he started crying and telling me he was actually gay” (That guy in the third picture, yeah, thats actually me.  Its a photoshoped picture of me standing next to me.  This did not happen.)

and my personal favorite….

“Hey this thing says you are online…. I just took some E and really need to get laid. are you around/ I’m clean”

So yeah I’m not sure what the HELL women are thinking, EVER!

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