Just The Tip Please

Please!  A friend of the tip sent over this video and we just had to post it.

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So last weekend I went out with some old friends, dinner, drinks, girl talk, you know the usual…during the girl talk a friend of mine told me a story that I just had to share with all of you.  It went something like this…My friend: “So I was really drunk and met this guy out at the bar, we hit it off so I brought him back to my apartment later that night, we had sex about 15 times, he was on top, I was on top, standing, lying, pretty much any position you can think of we did.  So a few days passed and I had this horrible stomach ache, I didn’t think much of it and just figured I was constipated from not eating enough veggies and fiber.  On the third day I finally went to the bathroom – thank god!  I stood up to flush the toliet and looked down into the bowl, and was shocked to see a CONDOM floating around in the water…now I know we had a lot of sex that night, but i’ve never had anal sex and I certinaly didn’t have it that night…or did I?  Do you think I could have swallowed the condom?”  My reaction:  “A CONDOM CAME OUT OF YOUR ASS  AND YOU DON’T KNOW HOW IT GOT THERE – THAT’S AWESOME AND A GREAT BLOG!!  THERE IS NO WAY YOU SWALLOWED IT. Call me crazy but i’m pretty sure if you swallowed a condom you’d know it.”

Needless to say, drunk sex can certainly get messy and sometimes results in unexpected surprises.  I guess the good news is if my friend did have anal sex, at least it didn’t hurt???

I have been a regular reader of JTTP for some time now.  Over the past few months I’ve grimaced a few times, had a couple of laughs and actually learned a thing or two along the way.  Im not exactly your average Just The Tip Please reader in that I am a man, or as some women would say, a boy.  (Yes, I have been told this on more than one occasion).  Until now I have sort of sat back and listened, like a fly on the wall at “Girls Brunch” or a peeping tom at a high school slumber party.  I listed to you tell stories with only an occasional bashing of the opposite sex but today I have take a stand.

I too have been dabbling in the world of online dating. Coming back onto the market after a few years hiatus I felt it was probably good to lie down a few ground rules. Two to be exact. No more dating friends of friends (a story for another day) and no more dating co-workers  (also a collection of stories for another day).  So, where does a modern male go in search of an evening’s company?  The bar? I have been working on a serious beer gut so this seems ill advised. The gym? Yeah, please see previous comment about beer gut.  So I guess all that’s left is the internet, or at least that is all that’s left when you are too lazy to get off the couch, again, beer gut.

So, I sign on, throw up a few pics and let the craziness ensue.  This is where we get to point of my writing.  The previous post to the site ends with these words, “we aren’t sure what guys are thinking, EVER!” And here I have to call foul.  Yes its true no one knows what guys are thinking, not even guys. But, I’ve been out on dates and have literally said to myself “what are you thinking!?!?!?!”  So I offer to you a collection, copied and pasted directly out of my inbox, a little series I like to call “I’m not sure what the HELL women are thinking, EVER”

“Nice Wig, wanna fuck?” (Yes I am wearing a wig in one of the photos. No I do not want to fuck you)

“That sounds great. I’m excited to meet you. Can we make it somewhere a bit more family friendly though.  My sister is out of town so I need to bring my 6 year old” (This was to be a first date and the first mention of a 6 year old)

“It looks like Im free on Saturday after all.  My boss finally told his wife about us and she is pissed!  He hasn’t been in for three days and I am feeling single and ready to mingle” (The rest of this email goes on to explain, for the first time, that she has been having an on going thing with her 58 year old boss and she had plans to go to Chicago with him for the weekend but that now seemed unlikely.  I was fine with the previous email that just read “Sorry I have plans on Saturday but lets get together soon)

“This may sound weird but is that guy in your third picture straight? I think I may have gone home with him like three years ago and he started crying and telling me he was actually gay” (That guy in the third picture, yeah, thats actually me.  Its a photoshoped picture of me standing next to me.  This did not happen.)

and my personal favorite….

“Hey this thing says you are online…. I just took some E and really need to get laid. are you around/ I’m clean”

So yeah I’m not sure what the HELL women are thinking, EVER!

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The Miss’ have been very busy and with no time to get out and find men on our own we all decided to start some online dating.  We wanted to share some of the clever emails that the “fools” on these sites think will get our attention and make us respond.  See if you can guess which ones are real and which are just an April Fools joke…

“Please don’t take this question the wrong way.
Have you lost weight? I can tell through your
pictures that you have. Looks good ”

“You are too adorable to ignore…trust me I tried. I wanna take you out to a

night club and tickle you until we dance. When you get tired we’ll head to

the couch so I can tickle you again and you can tell me ‘I love Your Sense of Humor’”

“I like your profile and really enjoy meeting new people and I don’t like to go out to bars etc trying to meet people, I’d rather put the effort into taking someone out.

I like your boobs in the photo.

Have a great week and I would embrace hearing back.”

“This site gave me a list of people they suggested for me that might be a match and you were on it, I think maybe they believe you have a friend that could be a match for me.”

Believe it or not, these are all true, we aren’t sure what guys are thinking, EVER!