Just The Tip Please

I went out with an old friend recently and we started talking about the blog, and began to trade some stories, one of her stories was so funny I just had to write about and share a few of my own run ins when it comes to sanitizing post sex.  Now, I totally get that when you’re in the heat of the moment bodily fluids are flying, sweat is dripping off both of your bodies, and god only knows what is being transmitted from one person to the other.  But most people really aren’t concerned with that, they may worry about it in a week, a month, or maybe if all of a sudden their strangely itchy down there, but for the most part, you’re enjoying the moment and your partner…except in these few instances.

I hooked up with a guy back in college, we had made out a few times but nothing had gone on below the belt.  One night my roommate left the two of us alone so we got done to business.  The deed was done quick, and no sooner could I put my thong back on, but I heard water running…..okay….apparently he needed to shower instantly??  Odd, I thought, guess we won’t be cuddling.  He came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, completely dressed, and acted like he just went to pee..no big deal.

A few years later I met a guy, that had a similar reaction to me post hookup – i’m beginning to think maybe i’m the problem?  This guy and I had been fooling around for a few weeks, but it wasn’t until i was at his house one night, on his air mattress nonetheless, that I noticed his odd ritual after hooking up, I had noticed it before but didn’t seem to care until that night….he’d immediately get up after we were done and Purel himself, I’m not talking one pump we’re done, i’m talking Pureling himself as if he were being baptized…how about you stand there and I’ll just dump the Purel all over your body buddy?  Or better yet, how about we don’t hook up – so I don’t have to feel like I have the plague afterwards.  Odd…

I found my friend’s story refreshing because this time she was the one cleaning herself post hook up.  My friend was hooking up with a guy who she thought may be dirty, but wasn’t sure, she knew he had been with a lot of partners in the past, and he hadn’t had an STD test in years…so she was naturally a bit concerned, but her urge to hook up with this guy was irresistible.  She didn’t sleep with him, but was doing everything else.  When my friend would return home from these late night booty calls she’d immediately go into her bathroom and grab the hydrogen peroxide under her sink…and would proceed to wash her arms, hands, and mouth with it.. “Oh yeah I’d gargle with it, grab a face cloth and clean my crotch, I would be the stuff in bulk at Costco, heck one time I even got into the shower and just poured the stuff over my head.”  Ummm okay, psycho.  JK I love my friend, but really…so how long did this go on for you ask… her answer, “MONTHS!”  It went on for months??  I give my friend props for not excessively cleaning her body with hydrogen peroxide in front of the man, but at the same time, honey just don’t hook up with the guy if you’re that concerned!

I met this guy on Friday night out at a new bar.   We starting chatting and in our chat we find out that our last names are almost the same with one letter different (this will come in handy later).  I decide to give him my number and see if he calls.  The next day, knowing his last name decide to check him out on MySpace.  With all these sites out there, like MySpace and Facebook I’m not sure how you are suppose to hold back from checking out anyone you meet, especially a new guy.  So, I sign on type in his name and see his page.  Of course I check out his pictures first to make sure he is as cute as I remember, the bar was dark and drinks were involved, always nice to double check.  Then I decide to check out his friends, see what people have to say.  And this is when I decide if he calls I’m not calling him back.  I see that his top friends are all women, and all, well pleasantly plump, to put it nicely.  They all leave sexy and seduction messages on his page and I want to know why this guy asked me out.  I’m no skinny girl, but my curves don’t translate to the curves these women are rockin’.  A day or so later the guy calls, but I don’t call back because I can’t handle the fact that I could turn into one of his top fatties on MySpace.  Don’t get me wrong I got nothing against anyone with some extra pounds, but I don’t think any women wants to know the guy sees her in that way, even if he likes it!  Now, one has to think, if I never got his last name, therefore couldn’t find him on MySpace, then would I have gone out with him?  The answer, yes.  Could I have gotten the wrong impression from his page?  Also, yes.  But was I willing to find out?  Nope.

This is a phrase that my friends and I use on a daily basis.  What does it mean?  Well, I think you get the idea, but I’ll start with where it came from.  My friends and I moved out to LA to do an internship program our last semester of college.  The first week we were out here, we all had to go on a million interviews and being that it was most of our first time in a professional setting, we were nervous.  So, one of my friends and I were talking and just to make light of the whole situation, “a blow job away…” was born.  At that point it was a blowjob away from getting an internship.  But it can really be used in any situation.  A blowjob away from getting to the front of a line, a blow job away from a rum and Coke, a blow job away from giving a blow job.  Unfortunately, one of our friends took it way too seriously and everything in her life became a blow job away…I need a new pair of jeans, why not give that sales man a blow job, I don’t feel like paying for drinks, dinner, bar nuts, why not give a blow job to that guy on the stool next to me or the bartender.  Now ladies, although this phrase can move you up the ladder and get you just about anything from any guy, you want to take caution because too many blow jobs can result in being a blow job away from prostitution!