Just The Tip Please

I met a guy on a plane coming from the east coast back to Los Angeles the second year I moved out here.  I was so excited, haven’t you always dreamed of meeting a guy on a plane!  He was sweet, short, cute, and from Boston – so therefore I think okay he must be cool.  WRONG!  The second time we hang out we end up back at his apartment (Yes I know stupid me) – He said we were meeting up with his friends there…um yeah, definitely not.  As he is giving me the “tour”:  the kitchen, living room, bathroom, bedroom, his tongue down my throat, it occurs to me no friends will be coming.  I’m not going to lie at first the make out was kind of nice, that is until he told me how he liked it.  “I like it rough.”  Okay, I can appreciate a difference of opinion, even if it’s not my thing.  But then he asks, “Will you bite me?”  Listen more power to you guys that are rough riders, but asking me to bite you the second time I’ve ever hung out with you – eh kind of a turn off, save it for date five or six maybe?  I wish that was the worst of it…not only did he like it rough, but apparently was into nicknames, too.  An exact quote for ya, “Well if you won’t bite me, will you at least call it ‘The Captain’?  “The Captain” – how about a stack of dimes, yeah I’d like to call it a stack of dimes.

© JustTheTipPlease.com and JustTheTipPlease.wordpress.com. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to JustTheTipPlease.com and JustTheTipPlease.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The events you are about to read are all true.  Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent.  But some haven’t to humiliate the douche bags we have encountered in our dating lives. We’ve lived out in LA now for just about 6 years and have racked up more dating horror stories than you could imagine. We are best friends, and we’ve all been through a lot, some more than others, but we’ve all got our stories!  We’re all East Coast transplants and out here in LA LA land to make our dreams come true, but that dream of prince charming seems farther and farther away the more dates we go on and the more guys that ask “come on, just the tip please??”

What is with these guys?  Does that line actually work?  Don’t get us wrong, we have friends who have accepted this invitation to play a little naked twister with the bathroom attendant at Ceasers’ palace, and you might even read a story of theirs if we’re lucky, but we’re embarrassed by the simple idea of a guy saying “can I please just stick it in for a minute?” and yet I keep hearing my girlfriends exchanging horror stories about yet another guy asking this new and popular question in hopes of a few thrusts with a girl he just met at the bar.

Seriously, we love men.  They’re great!  Who doesn’t love a great bout of banging before brunch?  But for some reason it seems we have to put up with more and more atypical bullshit to get from A to please Me.

We don’t think we are in a sitcom, but it just seems our lives are constantly being played out in front of a camera that isn’t really there.  So we’re putting it out there.  And its hilarious.  It’s a fucking jungle out there, and next time you think about asking a girl, “come on, just the tip, please?” let us help you out by answering with a resounding…No!

Unless you plan on calling the next day.  Then maybe we’ll play.  Just this once.